I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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