okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
