I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm passing your future prison.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
