I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize