one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
