ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
