i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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