Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
