If i come over, it means nothing
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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