Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
