accomplished twins. life is a go
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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