If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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