Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
