yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
