I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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