a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
