I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
