toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
