my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
