Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
