I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
