This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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