Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
