she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
