I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
