Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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