who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
