I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
