haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
