Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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