It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
