forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
