I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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