he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
