jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
