Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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