I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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