I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
