So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
