question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
