are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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