Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im holly from the hills drunk
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
