I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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