when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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