I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
