textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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