: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
