please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need water and some morals
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
