Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
