some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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