We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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