He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
