I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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